When General Jingo the Fourth was airlifted into New Delhi and was given a non-stop live demonstration on just how desperately cheap Indian television time is, I watched it all.
After all the only thing desperately cheaper than airtime on Indian television is the time of that rare imbecile based in the punya bhoomi who believes in the idea of the rule of law.
Every other Indian is "practical", or as in the case of the media group that was doing Kissy Kissy of Life to the faded General Jingo The Fourth - "pragmatic".
That is probably why, when the IV General Jingo was goading his "educated and conscious" audience to show him some big, "strategic", Reaganesque, Hollywood, Dirty Harry, "Go Ahead Make My Day" kinda moves,all our native genius could come up with was, "Will You Return Dawood?"
The Indian elite's craving for insanity, "please spank me, please spank me, Oh my God, somebody please kick me where it stings", will never cease to amaze and scare me.
We had Masood Azhar and Omar Sheikh locked up for godsssake in our jails, right?
So how did that help us?
So now we want Dawood.
Get real my dear countrymen, we cannot even do a stupid Twenty/Twenty nautanki in this aspiring super power.
There is only one strategic question.
And I being a proven impractical could have been the only one who could have asked it.
"General Jingo, don't you think its time you repudiated the two nation theory?May have seemed like a great idea at that time, but isn't it beginning to stink?"
Isn't it time you gave a fateha to Shri Jinnah's gift that never seems to stop giving?
Haven't you realised, with all your war colleges and war games and strategising and tacticalising that first it was two, then three and now it has become maybe a twenty three nation making mean machine?"
"I mean, don't you realise that till such time as you publicly give up on that hateful idea, no Indian, except maybe Shri Advani, who admires Jinnah as a true secularist, will ever barely be able to wait till you turn your back, so he/she can burst out laughing ?"
You are no Clint Eastwood, General Jingo.
Just a Dirty Harry who is stuck and can't move on.
But then that would have made General Jingo draw his piece and shoot at me and that would not be practical at all.